A More-than-One Lifestyle
Some days I wish I could explain what life is like. How does one person explain to another what their own perspectives and experiences are like? And in such a way that it's understood? During the year that I Fronted in 2006, I've had so many moments of quiet contemplation about what living is all about. Many personal experiences I've had in that time were stressful, painful, and heartbreaking. Though I have had a couple powerful positive experiences, such as the birth of my babies in November of that year.
The time I Fronted, I don't feel I did anything particularly memorable. A friendship with someone who was known to us for many years was lost then. I've felt responsible for a long time, even though I was told it wasn't my fault. I'm a strong believer in events happening for a reason. Yes, that makes the universe sound intelligent, or that it has a plan and purpose. That's what I believe. It's the confusing events that are more than likely a direct involvement by this intelligent design. Call it a deity, or some other being, or anything else you would like. If certain events change suddenly, then they were meant to. If certain connections end or are newly formed, then those were meant to as well.
Maybe it's gullible to believe in something that can't be seen or proven. Yet, how could I or anyone else in the Group I'm a part of prove that we exist? Someone can look at this body and know that someone exists inside of it. They would see one person only. if I said, "my name is Amirah", then an hour later someone else said, "my name is Kasia", how would anyone know it wasn't one person playing a game? They wouldn't. Either someone believes or they don't. I've spent many of my Fronting hours thinking about those sorts of topics.
Why don't I use the body's birth certificate name? Why do I have to pretend that this body's history is my own? I am so far removed from this body's earth history, that nearly every answer I would give in regards to its history would be a lie - a lie for me. Though I'm certain no one would ask me if I were Human. I can answer "yes" to being female. "Do you have children?" If I were Fronting, the answer is "no". The truth is that I have five children. If I were to answer questions prior to 1996, the answers would be from what I've heard from others of those years. "How did you like kindergarten?" I wasn't around during kindergarten. Can you imagine if I gave that as an answer to someone?
There have been many times when I've wanted desperately for someone to understand what it's like to be someone I'm not. To slip into this costume and take on a role for the safety and sanity of ourselves as a whole. And to make the rest of this world comfortable. The truth is, would I be safe to tell complete strangers that this is not my body? That I share this body with others? The common reaction would more than likely be doubt or believing that I were joking. The unsafe reaction would involve possibly losing a job, losing friends, or I've heard some people lost their own children. Because a lifestyle like this is of course a sickness.
And it is a lifestyle. Sharing a body is not a sickness. For many, it's a lifestyle. There are people who feel certain that this is delusional. Or if you want to live as a Group or are happy about it then it means you must be lying. There are times I've wondered: if I were ever seated before a therapist who knew about a more-than-one existence in some form and I tried to explain my frustrations or my personal experiences, what would that person think? I've often thought about the idea of integration. If a therapist told me our Group needed to integrate, just which one of us is supposed to be the final person left?
If we lived in a society here on this world where for some reason we were forced to integrate, I know for a fact that we would lie about it. One of us would pretend to be the only one here. Or we would be careful and pretend to be a single-mind.
As a result of many of us contemplating these "what if" scenarios, we've decided a long time ago to no longer tell people on the outside about our lifestyle. We are mainly only known to be a group online. The downside to this is that we have in the past retreated so far from any social contact, that it no longer existed. It's so difficult playing this single-mind role... to lie to others, to not be who we really are. Many of us no longer wanted to even come here with the body.
We are best friends with each other. Lovers. Family. Confidants. Comfort and support systems to each other. This is the one beautiful benefit of living as a Group. We are always together. And even when we were lonely within this world, we were never truly alone.
The time I Fronted, I don't feel I did anything particularly memorable. A friendship with someone who was known to us for many years was lost then. I've felt responsible for a long time, even though I was told it wasn't my fault. I'm a strong believer in events happening for a reason. Yes, that makes the universe sound intelligent, or that it has a plan and purpose. That's what I believe. It's the confusing events that are more than likely a direct involvement by this intelligent design. Call it a deity, or some other being, or anything else you would like. If certain events change suddenly, then they were meant to. If certain connections end or are newly formed, then those were meant to as well.
Maybe it's gullible to believe in something that can't be seen or proven. Yet, how could I or anyone else in the Group I'm a part of prove that we exist? Someone can look at this body and know that someone exists inside of it. They would see one person only. if I said, "my name is Amirah", then an hour later someone else said, "my name is Kasia", how would anyone know it wasn't one person playing a game? They wouldn't. Either someone believes or they don't. I've spent many of my Fronting hours thinking about those sorts of topics.
Why don't I use the body's birth certificate name? Why do I have to pretend that this body's history is my own? I am so far removed from this body's earth history, that nearly every answer I would give in regards to its history would be a lie - a lie for me. Though I'm certain no one would ask me if I were Human. I can answer "yes" to being female. "Do you have children?" If I were Fronting, the answer is "no". The truth is that I have five children. If I were to answer questions prior to 1996, the answers would be from what I've heard from others of those years. "How did you like kindergarten?" I wasn't around during kindergarten. Can you imagine if I gave that as an answer to someone?
There have been many times when I've wanted desperately for someone to understand what it's like to be someone I'm not. To slip into this costume and take on a role for the safety and sanity of ourselves as a whole. And to make the rest of this world comfortable. The truth is, would I be safe to tell complete strangers that this is not my body? That I share this body with others? The common reaction would more than likely be doubt or believing that I were joking. The unsafe reaction would involve possibly losing a job, losing friends, or I've heard some people lost their own children. Because a lifestyle like this is of course a sickness.
And it is a lifestyle. Sharing a body is not a sickness. For many, it's a lifestyle. There are people who feel certain that this is delusional. Or if you want to live as a Group or are happy about it then it means you must be lying. There are times I've wondered: if I were ever seated before a therapist who knew about a more-than-one existence in some form and I tried to explain my frustrations or my personal experiences, what would that person think? I've often thought about the idea of integration. If a therapist told me our Group needed to integrate, just which one of us is supposed to be the final person left?
If we lived in a society here on this world where for some reason we were forced to integrate, I know for a fact that we would lie about it. One of us would pretend to be the only one here. Or we would be careful and pretend to be a single-mind.
As a result of many of us contemplating these "what if" scenarios, we've decided a long time ago to no longer tell people on the outside about our lifestyle. We are mainly only known to be a group online. The downside to this is that we have in the past retreated so far from any social contact, that it no longer existed. It's so difficult playing this single-mind role... to lie to others, to not be who we really are. Many of us no longer wanted to even come here with the body.
We are best friends with each other. Lovers. Family. Confidants. Comfort and support systems to each other. This is the one beautiful benefit of living as a Group. We are always together. And even when we were lonely within this world, we were never truly alone.
by Amirah
Mar 22, 2008
Mar 22, 2008
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